Dreams last so long... even after you're gone...
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on,
I know you hate it when I leave the light on.
I pick a book up and then I turn the sheets down,
And then I take a breath and a good look around.
Put on my pj's and hop into bed.
I'm half alive, but I feel mostly dead.
I try and tell myself it'll be all right,
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight.
I know you hate it when I leave the light on.
I pick a book up and then I turn the sheets down,
And then I take a breath and a good look around.
Put on my pj's and hop into bed.
I'm half alive, but I feel mostly dead.
I try and tell myself it'll be all right,
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight.
"I agree to protect you from fire even if the sun should fall, from water even
if the sea should rage, and from Earth even if it should shake in
tumult. And I will honor your name as if it were my own. I vow that no distance in time or space shall separate my heart from
yours. I vow to be with you always, mind, body, and soul. I vow to grow old with you and when I die, I vow to walk with you in your dreams. I
give you my heart: I have no greater
gift to give..."
In A Fix On Route 66
My eyes popped open. My thoughts were scrambling to piece together my
previous night and how it may have landed me in a stranger’s bed. I then realized I was in a hotel room in Phoenix and my behavior
had been that of a Sunday school teacher.
Well, unless we are going to take off points for gluttony, in which case
I would shove the empty pizza box and two liter bottle of Diet Mt. Dew under
the bed. Twenty minutes later my best
friend Bill and I were packed, checked-out, and hailing the company mini van
from valet. We made our way down the
highway to Scottsdale where we wrapped up the
business needs at Neiman Marcus and Barney’s New York.
To celebrate a thirty minute inventory job well done and our ability to
count past ten we decided to blow some cash at the local H&M store. I can never walk into this store, in any
city, and leave with less than what would fill up a Scion. This trip the sales associates managed to
stuff all of our purchases into two giant trash bags which would make for easier
traveling back to Las Vegas. Famished from our busy but productive morning
Bill and I decided to Ace Ventura the mini van into a parking space directly in
front of a Chinese buffet. We ate til
our hearts were content and our acid reflux levels had us levitating a few
inches off the ground. Naturally, I
forgot to pack my iPod, music CDs, and car charger for my phone. As a result 45 minutes later we were in the
middle of Podunk, Arizona
with a garbled Latino Polka radio station and no operable cell phones to
entertain us. I made use of my time by
napping. I believe Bill may have also
napped and set the van to auto pilot.
Wow, technology these days! When
I awoke for the third time that day I was met with nightfall and a sign that
went whizzing by my window that said “Welcome to San Bernardino County
California.” I knew this was wrong. Bill had missed his turn and our mini van
wasn’t smart enough to know the difference.
After a two hour detour and a long conversation with a woman who was
once a stylist for Lucille Ball but now serves coffee for patrons of Route 66 we
finally ended up back in Las Vegas. All
I wanted to do was crawl into bed and watch television but my party friends
weren’t trying to hear of such a maniacal plan.
I continued the evening by bar hopping, white girl dancing, consuming
copious amounts of vodka, and hurling venomous slurs at whoever’s face I didn’t
like. Needless to say I was finally able
to get some sleep in my own bed as of 4AM Sunday morning.
Freedom
It was my first time. Growing up I secretly fantasized about this day. I guess I always knew I would someday feel this rush, however, what used to be a deep desire was suddenly a dream turned real. It was my first time at a major theme park.
I arrived at Paramount's Carowinds around eleven in the morning… give or take thirty minutes. With my best friend Shannon by my side, I anticipated the zeal of sheer freedom. At age thirteen, the thought of an adult free day was all the elation needed to make this a memorable day. Pouring out of the church van, one would have assumed our youth group was part of the triathlon. Everyone sprinted to the ticket booth, each person hoping to arrive inside the Carowinds' walls seconds before everyone else.
The lady in the ticket booth smiled as if to share in my joy as my crossed the threshold. I was greeted by the sound of a roller coaster roaring down the tracks as it zoomed past me. The passengers and their care-free screams set my mind free. Suddenly everything in my life was placed on hold and left in the parking lot. Everyone in our group split into sub-groups, each choosing their own destiny for the day. Shannon and I chose to take in the sites and smells before committing to our first stop.
The
smell of nachos and cheese, chili dogs, cotton candy, and funnel cake
seeped from the vendors as we coasted through the park. I was unable to wipe the smile from my face as I watched the park goers laugh, scream, and simply enjoy life. This was truly worth the wait I thought.
We decided to stop at the lazy river. The cool water would be a relaxing escape from the sun beating down from above. Shannon and I each grabbed our own tube to stay afloat with. The water was crystal clear and the lining of the river was blue like pools I had swam in on childhood vacations. Piling into the water, we were practically playing bumper cars with the other patrons. No one minded the slightly crowded park though, as we were all there for one purpose… to let go and have fun. I splashed and got splashed.
After floating for a few minutes, I had managed to land myself practically alone. Everyone that had boarded the river with me had drifted apart. Shannon was rounding the corner way ahead and I was unable to see the drifters that had lagged behind. On both sides of the river were green plants, trees, and colorful flowers. The landscape was that of a jungle appeal. Now I was able to see why they called it the lazy river. The calming sound of birds chirping and bees buzzing filled my ears as the breeze brushed my wet skin. Chills ran from head to toe.
The screams of those on the roller coasters and major rides had grown faint in the distance. I sat and wondered for a moment how far from reality had I coasted. I was lost in mind and body. My thoughts were scattered as I sat and imagined how life couldn't get much better.
I was carelessly accompanied by the neighborhood butterfly. As I lay there motionless, this celestial creature drifted down from the blue above and came to rest on my knee. With efforts not to scare her, I continue to lie still and take in my surroundings without a single movement. She fanned the air peacefully with her wings, all the while representing the freedom I so much desired.
Just before drifting into a REM sleep, I was startled by a sudden stop as my float collided with Shannon's. The
flow of the river slowed down dramatically as the greenery abutting the
sides of the river, was replaced by theme park activity. Back
in sight, children were running and playing with their friends and
siblings as we floated by on our secret mission to no-where. Off in the distance I saw an over-sized picture of Scooby Doo atop the entrance to another realm of fun. I realized that this park was more than a vacation away from every-day life, but it was like a world of its own.
After
floating around the entire park, Shannon and I decided to escape our
relaxed existence and broaden the horizons to include junk food, fast
thrills, and stuffed animal prizes. We partook in all of these and more. We bled the day dry of all the fun to be had before closing the door on such a life-changing day. I sat quietly and alone on the trip back home that evening. I contemplated the fun I had and the new dreams that sprang from my empowered freedom.
Alena Dejah O'Hara
Even though after ten years of being a female impersonator I finally hung up my wig, the memory of the showgirl I once was still lives on thru my daughters' shows, videos, photographs, and memories. This short story is about the night my drag career took off...
Gazing in the mirror at the reflection of my half-compromised face, I felt the rumbling of ten thousand butterflies beating their wings in my chest. I had been a drag performer for five years, so gluing lashes to the lids of my eyes, and painting my lips and cheeks, shouldn't be this difficult. The brushes and tools that I had used many times before suddenly felt heavier, as if they were fighting against the grain. Tonight was different, though. This night was my first pageant: Miss Gay Wilmington. What would typically be a delightful, lite-hearted ambience was now overcast with fear, a cold chill, and lights more dim throughout the city than I had ever witnessed.
After my grueling makeover, I pack my things into my husband's car. It is early January, so the breeze is that of arctic measure and the night is dense and quiet. My nerves are rattled and my churning stomach sends signals to my brain that cause doubt and sudden fever. I force the feelings of inadequacy to the back of my mind, and ride quietly from the house to the bar. The road was longer that evening. In fact, I'm almost sure to this day that time slowed down for one night only.
My uphill battle to the door of Ibiza nightclub from the parking lot was cut short by the security man, my friend Daniel. He scooped my boxes and bags of miscellaneous drag-drippings and costuming. When the back door of the bar opened, I was met with the smell of smoldering cigarettes and cocktails. My heart was pounding against my chest, and my throat was a desert looking for the oasis. The thud from the bass in the music caused all of my organs to gravitate upward, or so it seemed. I knew that at any moment I may see a repeat of the dinner I had earlier enjoyed. I climbed the stairs to the second floor where I was greeted by other contestants in the evening festivities. I found a lone corner of the room to set up shop. I packed away my nerves and feelings of fear and doubt as I unpacked my competition necessities.
What seemed like dozens of people began to gather around me, each making failed attempts to assist in the making of my much desired victory. As the roof above began to drip downward, the walls inched in closer each time I would glance away. They were taunting me! Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I watched as black glue, intended for my wig, was driven by gravity to the panty hose of my much exposed leg. I wanted to win the pageant, but at what expense and whose embarrassment? Scott quickly zipped my gown as I scampered down the stairs to the back door of the first floor stage. Standing in the enclosed corridor, adjacent the stage, Nate quickly glued my artificial finger nails as I awaited my moment to shine. I stood for a moment and thought… how will I model the gown? Should I stand as a soldier at attention or walk the stage like that of the Moulin Rouge house-cast?
"And here is our contestant number two, Alena Dejah." My name was called, and now was my moment of recognition. I had to prove to the world that my cause was an art. I had to prove to the gay elite that I was not lesser than they. Most importantly, I had to prove to myself that I will always stand up for my beliefs and can be anything I want to be!
Stepping off the bottom step onto the slick stage, with my sweaty palms I chased the creases from my gown. She was a beauty. Stark white and crisp as a new dollar bill, surely she would assist me in stealing the show tonight! I cupped my hands together as the symbol of true elegance and embarked on the journey across my stage. I glanced right and saw what seemed like thousands of people lining the stage. As in slow motion I heard nothing but a dull roar and saw the crying and cheering of so many people whose hopes for the evening were set on my shoulders. I look forward to the masters of the evening. The pageant judges rested there with no emotion, tearing me apart with there pens and pencils. Each one digging thru my outward being, attempting to find the flaws that was unfit for their next queen. I turn left to the mirrored wall and see the reflection of my fan stadium behind me. The familiar feeling rushed back to me...I had been here before. As I exhale, the masses of butterflies that had caused me so much grief suddenly escape through my nostrils. My comfort was lifted and my mind became focused. I modeled that gown until the wolves' frenzied feast was complete. I raced back upstairs to rid myself of my binding adornment, only to gear up for the next category, talent.
Two months prior I employed eight profession backup dancers to aid in my victory…four males and four females. We rehearsed every evening until the night of the pageant. I chose to dance to a Broadway-styled song, "Don't Tell Momma."
My entrance back to the stage was this time accompanied by my dancers. We coasted out quickly onto a blacked-out stage and no lights to aid our journey. The spotlight grabbed me as the music began. As if puppets controlled by string, we danced, turned, twirled, jumped, and slid across the stage exactly as previously rehearsed. Mouths in the crowd dropped in awe as others screamed out my stage name. The look of surprise and pride on the judges' face told me I was a success.
The virtual sound of one million drummer boys beating a drum roll on their snare as we rounded the last bend of the evening created the feeling that I was standing on the edge of a forty-story sky scraper roof. It seemed to take days for the announcing of both the second and first place winners. Neither of which were me. It was then I realized either I had completely failed or completely stolen the evening. As if trained by a pageant expert my head fell into the palms of my sweaty hands as I was announced the winner. Tears flowed down my masked face as if they were streaming at the beat of the screams and cheers being hurled by the masses. The previous winner approached me with a new twelve inch rhinestone crown as I bent down to assist in bringing it to rest on my head. The beaming lights from the cameras flashed as Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me" began to play thru the speakers. Each person in the crowd stood in a cafeteria style line waiting there chance to approach the new Miss Gay Wilmington with their congratulatory message.
How could I have been so lucky?
What better surprise could you ask for than to wake up to a heart-felt sentiment from your mother on the other side of the country? Well, how could I have been so lucky to be gifted such a talented, strong, and beautiful mother? Here's what she wrote to me today...
"Twenty nine years ago I gave birth to a baby boy. Of all the worries I've had for him, every minute has been a joy. When they laid him in my arms that eleventh of October day, I looked down at his tiny little face and you should've heard me pray. "Oh dear LORD you have blessed me with more than I deserve, so when he grows up, it's you, I pray he'll serve"
"Twenty nine years ago I gave birth to a baby boy. Of all the worries I've had for him, every minute has been a joy. When they laid him in my arms that eleventh of October day, I looked down at his tiny little face and you should've heard me pray. "Oh dear LORD you have blessed me with more than I deserve, so when he grows up, it's you, I pray he'll serve"
 |
| Elizabeth Diane Keating "Mom" |
Weep not for the memories.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
Untouchable Machine
Oh how life has humbled me thru the years. Stripped of what seemed like the perfect life
I now exist in a soulless city far from home, no long term relationship to
speak of in several years, very few worldly possessions, and a constant
reminder that I am merely human and not the untouchable machine I once thought
I was. Thru this fall I have learned
compassion and appreciation for things most people take for granted. I am so thankful to have had the chance to
fall, to fail, and forced to pick myself up off the ground. My eyes have never been more open.
...Cicero, unplugged!
Whoever unplugged my brain gets a round of applause for
making me look like a world-class idiot.
Ever since the full moon a few nights ago I have been “off.” My thoughts are scattered, my dreams are
painfully surreal, and my speech reflects the onset stages of autism. Everything appears to me as riddles and
puzzles – neither of which I have ever found enjoyment in. As a child I would destroy, eat, or hide a
few pieces of each puzzle I came across so I would have a viable excuse for
declining the invitation to participate in the mind-numbing madness. “Nope, sorry, this puzzle is missing some
pieces so there is no point in putting it together.” So, joke is on me today. Someone please return my puzzle pieces as
soon as you are done hiding them!
Hex
So I awoke on Monday morning, next to my beautiful boyfriend, feeling less than thrilled to realize a sickness was coming upon me. Feeling as though I had been mowed over by a rusted out 1956 Chevy I pressed on with the assistance of coffee and two garlic pills. I am happy to report that today, Thursday, I closely resemble in body and spirit the chipper person you usually see day-to-day. I am grateful that the beautiful boyfriend has removed the hex he placed on me and grateful to my roommate for mistakenly varying the details of his mother's home remedies. Yes, I was duped into ingesting copious amounts of cayenne pepper and vinegar that reinstated that gag reflex that I worked years to rid myself of, but I feel almost new. You know - like your first Mercedes purchase with 26,000 miles - new to you but not new! So all is well but goddess forbid with any amount of flatulence I will go rocketing into the solar system.
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."
I realize how incredibly moronic this sounds but I almost don't want to be this happy. The future seems so bright, my love life is great (dramatic but sensual the way I like it), and everything seems to be moving along so well. Therefore, naturally, my artist side has gone to sleep. I am so much more inspired to be creative when I am hurting. Isn't there a middle ground somewhere?
Dallas
(written 04-02-2007)
With the sound of Mr. Jones, sang by Counting Crows, I drowned out the sound of my echoing heart beat. With sweaty palms I gripped the sizzling hot, leather wheel cover as I anticipated the green light we awaited. That was the day Jared and I would meet our son, our new Dalmatian puppy. Jared saw the advertisement in the newspaper the previous day and only one was left from the litter. The intoxicating excitement rushed through my body like venom as I knew he would be mine within the hour.
The sun smiled brightly from his thrown, illuminating the earth with a summertime glow. Flowers were blooming with happiness on the sides of the road, while birds and bees buzzed about their business in what seemed like an effort to share my bliss. Nothing could have spoiled our day. This was the day Jared and I would find our common ground… something to tie us together closer than before.
We knew nothing about our newest family member at this point. It was like the nervous anticipation of a mother not knowing the gender of her soon-coming baby. The faint smell of mystery and purpose walked hand in hand with honeysuckle, dandelion, and coconut air-freshener that summer day.
As my car approached the driveway of my destination, I fought each tree and obstacle in my line of sight for just a glimpse of my new glory. Sound of rocks inching my tires along accompanied my arrival while I gaze at the blue van parked directly ahead. The driver climbed down from her seat to greet us. In her weekend best, this humble lady had a focus much greater than her own appearance. With un-kept attire and hair pulled back, she had an aura of peace and tranquility.
From a distance I stare into the window at a filing crate perched in the front passenger seat. I anticipated a black and white speckled head to pop out atop the crate wall. My expectations were dismembered as the side door slams open. Out hopped the goofiest monster of a dog I had ever witnessed. With a head much too large for his body and an awkward bunny hop, he could not have won my affection any quicker. He was the runt and for good reason. Though, how could I have been so fortunate? With eyes bigger than silver dollars and a personality of a circus clown, who couldn't love him?
He accompanied Jared in the passenger seat on our ride home. The journey home was amusing as his yawns and fatigue were met with a fight to stay focused. He gazed out the window, mapping his journey until he reached his new home.
Dallas has been a member of our family for almost three years. With loyalty that stretches the world over and love deeper than the ocean, I couldn't have dreamed him into existence any more perfect. I have to wonder, do I make him as happy as he makes me?
Death Of A Dark Prince
With bee-stung lips, a heart filled with rage, and tear-filled eyes, Countess shattered the glass in her hand and any chance she had with Prince. Prince and Countess had been inseparable for months, engaging in sweet
conversation, secret sharing, and intimacy. The locals insisted she fell too hard too fast.
As a watcher from afar, her heart was elated when she received word of his interest in meeting. Prince was an alien to her seaside village but was welcomed into her heart as a native. Countess descended from her castle in the nearby hills on that warm summer night to make her way into the village, seeking Prince and his benign possibilities. Arriving to his minuscule, dreary dwelling with nervous excitement, she was met by Prince, standing tall with dark wavy hair and the body of a god. His jaw was perfectly chiseled like a smooth stone and his body filled his armor as if custom made attire designed solely for his wearing. While staring into speckles of imperfection glistening in his right eye, Countess began prematurely planning her life around him. After four hours of the greatest passion known to her time, she gathered herself like limp laundry laid across his thrown and made haste into the night air with dreams of perpetual love and romance.
The unexpected, chance meeting was the first of many to follow. The following day the two met for dinner and laughter at Countess's favorite eatery. The terms of her expectations were the popular topics, which some accredit for the tragic ending of her tale. Prince uttered words of non-commitment but his body language and verbalized feelings expressed something less dull. Countess was agreeable to accept the slow pace of cultivating a growing relationship but refused to join a long list of damsels in distress waiting on the wayside for her dark Prince.
Good food, great conversation, intimate evenings, warm showers, and laughter were elements contributing to what Countess thought was a paragon of a relationship. She rested her head on his chest and her soul on his shoulders. Glancing upward in the direction of his face, she hoped for a modicum of sincerity to drip from his lips and eyes, but her hands came up empty each time. She set aside her ambivalence like a naïve child and held to her aspirations of making Prince the next king of her castle.
After a month or more of bolstering the unsteady foundation, like clock work Countess called to Prince in the assumption that she would spend the evening wrapped in his arms and beauty. Much to her dismay, he had made other plans for the night. She had been pushed aside to make room for Prince's former lover. Her invariable efforts and support suddenly seemed futile. She tossed and turned all night, making friends with nightmares and hate. Unable to discern his reasons for tossing her aside the next morn she sent word that he would be censored from her life effective immediately.
The silence lasted more than a week. Though her intensions were good Countess was left wounded by her own hand. Chiefly, the goal was to save herself from further pain but coincidently she had inflicted more pain than before. She was stuck in a quandary about whether life was better with an "almost lover" or alone. On the morning of her birthday, while dew was still fresh on the grass, she looked threw her pain and tears and decided to make amends with Prince. At first glance the conversations seemed awkward but the familiar company was quite refreshing. After spending the day together she realized no one in the world ever made her feel this way… alive!
Compromising her current situation yet again, Countess chose to allow things back to normal. Against her better judgment, she dove into intense passion and loved him with her whole heart. Some say her love lives on but they weren't present at the festival that night.
Many had gathered in costume and masquerade. The town was dressed in bright colors and dim lights. The air had cooled off as fall was ready to burst from the seams. Drinking and celebration was forefront on the minds of everyone in the village that night. Everyone but Prince, that is. Prince looked deep in her eyes with fear and intimidation in hesitation of what may happen next. The martini glass filled with joy in Countess's fragile hand was suddenly trembling as her heart sank. That look could only mean bad news. Prince sat her down and whispered his confession.
"I've met someone else" was all she needed to hear. Her mind rushed back to the day he explained that he couldn't love anyone. He previously insisted that it was simply a bad time in his life. Why was he saying this? He continued to apologize for any pain he had caused and ensured he wanted to stay her friend but things would have to change between them. She only heard muttering and the voice of someone who was no longer speaking a language she understood. Prince had adulterated everything Countess thought they shared together.
Feeling duped and unable to see thru the tears anymore, she slammed the glass against the concrete wall, shattering the edges. The joy that formerly filled her glass was spilled on the ground beside his blood. She, without thought, had driven the jagged glass into her Prince. He dropped to the floor with practically no emotion. His face filled with sorrow as tears streamed down his ghostly face at the speed of light. She held and kissed his hand and spoke no words as she watched the life leave his limp body. With onlookers of the village standing in shock, Countess threw her own neck to her homemade blade.
"Each
one of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some
weather superstorm or spiritual superstorm, when we look at each other
we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been
there myself. We must support each other and empathize with each other
because each of us is more alike than we are unalike" -Maya
Angelou
You are the hole in my head.
You are the space in my bed.
You are the silence in between what I thought and what I said.
You are the nighttime fear, you are the morning when it's clear.
When it's over, you're the start.
You're my head and you're my heart.
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
-
Queen Elizabeth I
Tell me, is it true?
Are you with child? -
Bess
Yes, my lady. -
Queen Elizabeth I
You traitress.
You dare to keep secrets from me?
You ask my permission before you rut!
Before you breed!
My bitches wear my collars! Do you hear me?
Do you hear me? -
Sir Francis Walsingham
Majesty! Please, dignity. Mercy. -
Queen Elizabeth I
This is no time for mercy, Walsingham.
You go to your traitor brother
and leave me to my business.
Is it his?
Tell me. Say it. Is the child his? Is it his? -
Bess
Yes.
My lady, it is my husband's child. -
Queen Elizabeth I
You bitch! -
Bess
Majesty. -
Sir Walter Raleigh
This is not the Queen I love and serve. -
Queen Elizabeth I
This man has seduced a ward of the Queen.
And she has married without royal consent.
These offenses are punishable by law. Arrest him!
Go!
You no longer have the Queen's protection.
Quotes play in a loop in my head everyday. Sometimes quotes from movies, sometimes songs, and sometimes just random shit my friends have said...
Bitter Business Bureau
Bill Peck, my best friend, and I moved to Las Vegas three weeks ago. Before we moved we shopped for the best deal on moving companies. Based on quotes verbally given by moving companies, Across USA Moving out of Dallas Texas won out. The quote was based on descriptions that we gave the salesman of each item that would be moving. On October 5, 2012 the movers came and loaded all of our belongings onto their truck. After the truck was fully loaded the movers then handed us a figure that was nearly double what the original quote was. We assumed that our total would be a little more than the quote as we may have failed to mention an item or two but not $1000.00 more than was quoted. Bill informed them that we would not pay that amount and that they could remove our items from the truck or they can ship it and we would work it out on the next business day. He signed a form showing they took the items but he also wrote on the form that we did not agree to this amount.
After being contacted by our attorney, because they refuse to meet us somewhere in the middle, the moving company tells us today that we have until November 6th to retrieve our items from DALLAS TEXAS or they will start piling on storage fees. They are still holding firm to their inflated pricing. Needless to say we will probably have to pay the amount demanded as they are holding everything we own hostage but you can be sure we will be taking them to court. I vote we take it to JUDGE MARILYN MILIAN of The People's Court. 1) Because she is my favorite person alive, and 2) Because she is way more fair than any other TV judge out there.
Point to this post: DO NOT USE ACROSS USA MOVING CO. ... LIKE, EVER! Spread the word!
Across USA Moving Co.
10480 Shady Trail Dallas, TX 75220
(214) 905-7555
www.acrossusa.com
My Wish...
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' ‘til you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more th
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' ‘til you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more th
an anything
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything
Read more: RASCAL FLATTS - MY WISH LYRICS
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything
Read more: RASCAL FLATTS - MY WISH LYRICS
Political Pirate
I was definitely riding the fence about the upcoming election. I vowed I wouldn't vote because I could clearly see valid points of interest from both candidates. I also vowed you wouldn't hear me complain about the outcome as I would have no right to complain if I didn't stand on one side or the other by voting. Well that all changed this morning.
I hate when, in the morning, the first thing I see or hear is something that frustrates me or pisses me off. It kind of sets the mood for the rest of today. As I slurp down coffee and imagine myself on a island surrounded by naked cabana boys I am slowly but surely turning this train-wreck of a day around. Well a FB friend of mine posted a video this morning of MITT ROMNEY standing out against homosexual couples adopting children. He was a little unclear (big surprise there) about whether he was completely opposed to the act or just in opposition of the birth certificate stating "parent 1 and parent 2." At any rate, he went on to say that "all children deserve a mother and a father." What an ignorant, invisible deity-worshiping, self-serving piece of garbage. All children deserve to grow up feeling loved. All children deserve food, shelter, water, and values. All children deserve to be heard, understood, and taught to think for themselves. As someone who grew up in a strong christian family I can assure you I was NOT taught to think for myself. It was God's way or no way. With that in mind, I feel confident that two parents of the same gender could do just as good of a job at raising a child as a "normal" mother and father could - probably better.
Along the same lines, I am friends with a man who is in a long term relationship with another man and they have adopted two children already. They, from what I can see in photographs and FB updates, are doing a great job. So why, pray tell, is he voting for Romney? Because he is a sheep, that's why. My fag friends whom are voting for this man that wishes to strip away/prevent gay rights are just sheep being led thru the pasture and have no idea they are being fattened up for the slaughter. That's fine, I am in the mood to eat lamb chops tonight anyway. IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS!
Okay, that's my political soap box for this election year :)
I hate when, in the morning, the first thing I see or hear is something that frustrates me or pisses me off. It kind of sets the mood for the rest of today. As I slurp down coffee and imagine myself on a island surrounded by naked cabana boys I am slowly but surely turning this train-wreck of a day around. Well a FB friend of mine posted a video this morning of MITT ROMNEY standing out against homosexual couples adopting children. He was a little unclear (big surprise there) about whether he was completely opposed to the act or just in opposition of the birth certificate stating "parent 1 and parent 2." At any rate, he went on to say that "all children deserve a mother and a father." What an ignorant, invisible deity-worshiping, self-serving piece of garbage. All children deserve to grow up feeling loved. All children deserve food, shelter, water, and values. All children deserve to be heard, understood, and taught to think for themselves. As someone who grew up in a strong christian family I can assure you I was NOT taught to think for myself. It was God's way or no way. With that in mind, I feel confident that two parents of the same gender could do just as good of a job at raising a child as a "normal" mother and father could - probably better.
Along the same lines, I am friends with a man who is in a long term relationship with another man and they have adopted two children already. They, from what I can see in photographs and FB updates, are doing a great job. So why, pray tell, is he voting for Romney? Because he is a sheep, that's why. My fag friends whom are voting for this man that wishes to strip away/prevent gay rights are just sheep being led thru the pasture and have no idea they are being fattened up for the slaughter. That's fine, I am in the mood to eat lamb chops tonight anyway. IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS!
Okay, that's my political soap box for this election year :)
Augustana
"Boston"
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... she said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
She said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...
Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah...
Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Boston...
No one knows my name.
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... she said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
She said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...
Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah...
Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Boston...
No one knows my name.
Shedding Skin
I look around and I feel envious of people for the things they have. I want pretty "stuff" too. But this is now the second major move I have made in my adult life (Wilmington to Dallas then Dallas to Vegas) and I have shed my worldly possessions each time and it seems to take forever to build it back up. I have to believe I am building character more than anything though. My level of resilience has shocked even me.
[On surviving heartbreak:]
You let time pass. That’s the cure. You survive
the days. You float like a rabid ghost through the weeks. You cry and wallow
and lament and scratch your way back up through the months. And then one day
you find yourself alone on a bench in the sun and you close your eyes and lean
your head back and you realize you’re okay. –Dear Sugar, December
16, 2010
The Golden Age
My favorite person who ever lived is Queen Elizabeth I. She was the last of the Tudor dynasty. She took her country from broken and in debt to being the strongest empire in Europe and all without the need for a man. Her reign will forever be known as "The Golden Age"
Cate Blanchett as Elizabeth I
All Things Libra
Libra is the only inanimate sign of the zodiac, all the others representing either humans or animals. Many modern astrologers regard it as the most desirable of zodiacal types because it represents the zenith of the year, the high point of the seasons, when the harvest of all the hard work of the spring is reaped. There is a mellowness and sense of relaxation in the air as mankind enjoys the last of the summer sun and the fruits of his toil. Librans too are among the most civilized of the twelve zodiacal characters and are often good looking. They have elegance, charm and good taste, are naturally kind, very gentle, and lovers of beauty, harmony (both in music and social living) and the pleasures that these bring.
They have good critical faculty and are able to stand back and look impartially at matters which call for an impartial judgment to be made on them. But they do not tolerate argument from anyone who challenges their opinions, for once they have reached a conclusion, its truth seems to them self-evident; and among their faults is an impatience of criticism and a greed for approval. But their characters are on the whole balanced, diplomatic and even tempered.
Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." They are very social human beings. They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them, and their ideal for their own circle and for society as a whole is unity.
Their cast of mind is artistic rather than intellectual, though they are usually too moderate and well balanced to be avant garde in any artistic endeavor. They have good perception and observation and their critical ability, with which they are able to view their own efforts as well as those of others, gives their work integrity.
In their personal relationships they show understanding of the other person's point of view, trying to resolve any differences by compromise, and are often willing to allow claims against themselves to be settled to their own disadvantage rather than spoil a relationship. They like the opposite sex to the extent of promiscuity sometimes, and may indulge in romanticism bordering on sentimentality.
Their marriages, however, stand a good chance of success because they are frequently the union of "true minds". The Libran's continuing kindness toward his or her partner mollifies any hurt the latter may feel if the two have had a tiff. Nor can the Libran's spouse often complain that he or she is not understood, for the Libran is usually the most empathetic of all the zodiacal types and the most ready to tolerate the beloved's failings.
The negative Libran character may show frivolity, flirtatiousness and shallowness. It can be changeable and indecisive, impatient of routine, colorlessly conventional and timid, easygoing to the point of inertia, seldom angry when circumstances demand a show of annoyance at least; and yet Librans can shock everyone around them with sudden storms of rage. Their love of pleasure may lead them into extravagance; Libran men can degenerate into reckless gamblers, and Libran women extravagant, jealous and careless about money sometimes squander their wealth and talents in their overenthusiasm for causes which they espouse. Both sexes can become great gossipers. A characteristic of the type is an insatiable curiosity that tempts them to enquire into every social scandal in their circle.
The Jump Off
(This will become the first paragraph to a chapter in my humorous autobiography)
I had taken a vacation with Danny once before when we decided to visit my hometown in North Carolina and yet again I found myself willing to be strapped in for the sort of shenanigans usually reserved for a Seth McFarlane film. I will always choose flying over cross-country driving, God bless the Wright brothers, however, that previous experience with Danny on an airplane resulted in being tackled by four female flight attendants, who probably double as linebackers in their spare time, and then asked never to choose American Airlines again. Needless to say, Danny has an irrational fear of planes that is hazardous for the health of anyone involved. So as to avoid another tumultuous journey we decided to drive this go-round. South Padre Island, Texas was our destination and relaxation was our goal. Our relationship can be classified as nothing less than ambiguous and I saw this not only as an opportunity to meet his family but also to relieve some of the pressure on said relationship caused by his recent diagnosis of being a shit stain on the skivvies of life.
I had taken a vacation with Danny once before when we decided to visit my hometown in North Carolina and yet again I found myself willing to be strapped in for the sort of shenanigans usually reserved for a Seth McFarlane film. I will always choose flying over cross-country driving, God bless the Wright brothers, however, that previous experience with Danny on an airplane resulted in being tackled by four female flight attendants, who probably double as linebackers in their spare time, and then asked never to choose American Airlines again. Needless to say, Danny has an irrational fear of planes that is hazardous for the health of anyone involved. So as to avoid another tumultuous journey we decided to drive this go-round. South Padre Island, Texas was our destination and relaxation was our goal. Our relationship can be classified as nothing less than ambiguous and I saw this not only as an opportunity to meet his family but also to relieve some of the pressure on said relationship caused by his recent diagnosis of being a shit stain on the skivvies of life.
Winds Of Change - October 2012
I was always trepidatious about making any decision that would
alter my every-day life. Now I am experiencing déjà vu as it is time to
embark on a new journey. In January of 2010 I left my home in
Wilmington, North Carolina to find myself in this world. I packed my
car with my clothes, a jewelry box my fiancé had gifted to me, and an
electric wok. Everything else was left to be stored, given away, or
sold to strangers on craigslist. I was planning to move west to live in
Las Vegas, Nevada with one of my dearest friends. Well, to make a long
story short I didn’t get that far, rather made a last minute decision
to start my new life in Dallas, Texas. Dallas has been a wild ride
filled with disappointment, maniacal adventures, lost loves, new loves,
new friends, and a shitload of life experience. With a new store-bought
smile on my face to boot, I can honestly say that I have never been as
comfortable in my own skin as I am now. Things that once bothered me to
my core now roll right off my back. I am happy. I digress. Now I
move on to the next chapter of my life. I have been presented with an
opportunity that will carry me on to Las Vegas. Seems serendipitous,
right? I love Dallas so much that I have reached out for excuses to
pass up this opportunity but my hands come up empty every time. All
signs point west again. I have reminded myself, just as I did regarding
Wilmington in 2010, that Dallas will still be here for many years to
come, short of a zombie apocalypse, and I can always come back if I see
fit. I came to find myself and I think I did. Now I will press forward
not only to maintain but also to flourish and succeed.
Fashionably Late
I wrote this a year ago but never posted it...
I am irrevocably in love with him. He invades my thoughts while I am awake and boldly haunts me in my dreams. Try as I may I am unable to forget his existence and how much my heart longs for his mere presence. I haven’t looked upon his face in three months and four days and haven’t had any type of relationship with him in six months. The fact that the stench of rotting love is as fresh in my nostrils as it was six months ago is nothing short of deplorable. This morning I awoke with a smile until ten seconds later I remembered he raped my emotions as I slumbered last night. With riotous anger I ripped back the bedding, placed my feet on the ground, and pressed on toward the day ahead with gritted teeth.
To my core...
I feel inadequate. I am never good enough for anyone or anything. I have run so far from home and I can’t even be sure what I am running from. I never call the mother that raised me up from my baby years. I feel like I have constantly let her down. If only I were as strong and responsible as she. My biological mother loves me, of course, but she has no need for me. It has always seemed as if she can take me or leave me – no worries. My father hasn’t spoken to me in four years. He got the son he never wanted – gay. He blames God. Aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. all look at me with judgment. I have no wife, kids, or mortgage. Shame on me! None of my former lovers want me back. Shouldn’t somebody out there regret letting me slip away? (Person A) is the love of my life. My dream guy. My knight in Republican armor. But I was too flashy, too crazy, too attention seeking, too dramatic. Now he is gone. Figuratively and literally. (Person B) came along when I wasn’t expecting to love anyone – ever again! It was last summer and few months after (Person A) had found his new love. (Person B) made me forget my misery. (Person B) made me smile again. Much to my dismay, however, I wasn’t adequate again. (Person B) wants a manly man. A hot man. Muscles. I am none of those things. For a better part of my life I have considered myself a girl to my core. I have stuck by his side and loved him so hard in hopes that he would fall deeply in love with me. But he never will. When will I be loved?
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
“I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.”
“I hope you never love anything as much as I love you.”
“She had fallen in love so many times that she began to suspect she was not falling in love at all, but doing something much more ordinary.”
“I have suffered so much more than I needed to. And the joys I have felt have not always been joyous.”
“At night the Nothing light from the guest room spilled under the Nothing door and stained the Something hallway, there’s nothing to say.”
“I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all of the lives I’m not living”
“I would give everything never to think about her again, I can only hold on to the things I want to lose.”
“I told her I already was a great artist, because that’s how unsure of myself I was”
“We stopped laughing, I took the world into me, rearranged it, and sent it back out as a question….”
“I hope you never love anything as much as I love you.”
“She had fallen in love so many times that she began to suspect she was not falling in love at all, but doing something much more ordinary.”
“I have suffered so much more than I needed to. And the joys I have felt have not always been joyous.”
“At night the Nothing light from the guest room spilled under the Nothing door and stained the Something hallway, there’s nothing to say.”
“I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all of the lives I’m not living”
“I would give everything never to think about her again, I can only hold on to the things I want to lose.”
“I told her I already was a great artist, because that’s how unsure of myself I was”
“We stopped laughing, I took the world into me, rearranged it, and sent it back out as a question….”
Pescatarian Psycho-Babble
So, I haven’t written in a very long while. Therefore, I may come out of the gate a little unorganized with my thoughts but if everything made sense it wouldn’t be in true Cicero
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