I feel inadequate. I am never good enough for anyone or anything. I have run so far from home and I can’t even be sure what I am running from. I never call the mother that raised me up from my baby years. I feel like I have constantly let her down. If only I were as strong and responsible as she. My biological mother loves me, of course, but she has no need for me. It has always seemed as if she can take me or leave me – no worries. My father hasn’t spoken to me in four years. He got the son he never wanted – gay. He blames God. Aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. all look at me with judgment. I have no wife, kids, or mortgage. Shame on me! None of my former lovers want me back. Shouldn’t somebody out there regret letting me slip away? (Person A) is the love of my life. My dream guy. My knight in Republican armor. But I was too flashy, too crazy, too attention seeking, too dramatic. Now he is gone. Figuratively and literally. (Person B) came along when I wasn’t expecting to love anyone – ever again! It was last summer and few months after (Person A) had found his new love. (Person B) made me forget my misery. (Person B) made me smile again. Much to my dismay, however, I wasn’t adequate again. (Person B) wants a manly man. A hot man. Muscles. I am none of those things. For a better part of my life I have considered myself a girl to my core. I have stuck by his side and loved him so hard in hopes that he would fall deeply in love with me. But he never will. When will I be loved?
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