Obituary: Erica Andrews (my idol)

 
SALIZAR

Erica Salizar leaves behind her mother, a sister, two brothers and numerous nieces and nephews all of which she loved unconditionally. She also leaves behind an international community privileged to be graced with her presence, influence, passion, success, humor, and most importantly her love. Undeniably, a pioneer, her accolades and achievements will forever resonate as a contribution to her community's cause and progress. While her influence and entertainment will forever be discussed and remembered, to know her one would know she simply pursued her passion. Effortlessly, she took everyone's breath away and commanded attention with her incomparable beauty. With great pleasure she mesmerized and served countless crowds through her mastery of illusion. Her love for the community can only be paralled to the love she received from her community. Surpassing expectations and leaving behind shattered boundaries Erica Andrews' legacy will be forever be defined by professionalism, the pursuit of passion, and the love and adoration for those around her. In her very brief life she managed to reach an iconic status, a life abundant with achievement, all because of her passion to not only find her true self but to love herself unconditionally, opening the door for countless individuals to pursue the same passion comfortably and with confidence because of the path forged by Erica, who did so with such grace, dignity and clarity that forever a community has been changed and redefined.

A Candle Light Vigil and Remembrance Ceremony will be held at Crockett Park on March 28th from 7pm-9pm. There will be a Mariachi for her at 8pm. We want to invite everyone to attend especially her friends and fans from all over the country!!!

Published in Express-News on March 24, 2013

The Jump Off, 2

I had taken a vacation with Danny once before when we decided to visit my hometown in North Carolina and yet again I found myself willing to be strapped in for the sort of shenanigans usually reserved for a Seth McFarlane film.  I will always choose flying over cross-country driving, God bless the Wright brothers, however, that previous experience with Danny on an airplane resulted in being tackled by four female flight attendants, who probably double as linebackers in their spare time, and then asked never to choose American Airlines again.  Needless to say, Danny has an irrational fear of planes that is hazardous for the health of anyone involved.    So as to avoid another tumultuous journey we decided to drive this go-round.  South Padre Island, Texas was our destination and relaxation was our goal.  Our relationship can be classified as nothing less than ambiguous and I saw this not only as an opportunity to meet his family but also to relieve some of the pressure on said relationship caused by his recent diagnosis of being a shit-stain on the skivvies of life.  

Like any sane person preparing for an eight hour drive the next morning I was asleep by approximately 9 o'clock.  3AM at the latest.  I was chewing my way thru a very seductive, yet confusing dream with cameo appearances by David Hasselhoff and a seven layer strawberry drizzled cheese cake (don't judge - I am attracted to cholesterol and strange older men with high cholesterol levels) when I was jolted awake by shit-stain himself, as he stood over me asking "are you awake?"  Why do people always ask if someone is awake when they have to use hand grenades and canon fire to rouse them?  I believe I muttered  "I was clearly not awake, assface!" or something to that effect as I sat up in bed.  It was then that Danny explained to me that he was unable to sleep due to excitement or copious amounts of a mind altering substance, and would prefer to hit the road before sunrise.  I never let my affection for mind altering substances overlap my love for sleep.  My cell phone screen said 3:32AM and my face said "go to hell."  With the assurance, however,  that I could sleep along the way, I grabbed my overnight bags, my pillow, and a blanket, and made my way to the back seat of Danny's sedan where I resumed my date with a strawberry drizzled David Hasselhoff.

To be continued...

anchored.

I have that nasty little habit of constantly comparing myself to the people around me.  Everyone.  I suppose I do it to find validation in the decisions I have made in life that led me to where I am today.  Fact is, I am not like anyone else that I have known in this lifetime.  The cousins I grew up around all have homes, children, and a spouse.  Same goes for the peers from my high school years.  Then, this morning, I thought about the gay guys that I used to be best friends with from my hometown in North Carolina.  Most of them have a grounded life now as well.  Some are anchored in a long term relationship while others are anchored by a career and/or a home they purchased.  Not me.  I am a dandelion out here in the world being carried by the wind.  Old habits make me want to regret that but fact is, it's a good life.  I exist for love and for happiness.  Yes, it is my goal to maintain a happy life for myself but most importantly, it is my goal to bring happiness to those whose path I cross each day.  The truth of the matter is that I would love to find my soul mate, if I haven't already, and grow old with him.  I would love to bring a child into the world and raise it to be the best man or woman they could be.  But realistically I have to accept that I may never have those things.  No one is guaranteed the American dream.  Plus, I am not built like most people and could potentially grow bored with such a life.  I don't know what tomorrow holds for me but I am optimistic that I was meant for something great.  I choose to be happy today and always. 

mi corazon...

One week ago today the world lost a remarkable person.  Erica Andrews was the symbol of elegance and had been my idol since I first saw her photos on the internet in 2001.  I remember being at my friend Pattra's home just off of Oakley Road in Wilmington, North Carolina when Patt pulled up photos of this gorgeous creature.  I was enamored with her beauty and followed her every move from 1000+ miles away thereafter.  In 2008, my fiance' at the time, Joshua, surprised me for my birthday with autographed 8x10 head shots of Erica of which he had framed.  She wrote "Alena, all my love always.  Erica Andrews xoxo."  (Alena was my drag name). They hung in my office until the day I decided to embark on a self-discovery journey across America.  In a twist of fate I ended up in Dallas Texas in 2010 only months before Erica Andrews decided to move to Dallas also.  I not only met my idol but began seeing her on a regular basis.  I smile thru a steady flow of tears today knowing she knew my name.  She called me "friend."  I wish I had taken more time to be around her.  I wish I had told her how much of an impression she had made on my life.  I never actually told her I was the same boy that she had mailed the autographed head shots to.  I never told her I had been her fan for twelve years.  Erica was loved by thousands, well probably millions, of people globally but she was never too big of a star to ask how I was doing or make a kind remark.  I will always cherish the simple memories of talking with her poolside, watching her grocery shop at Kroger in a sun dress with no makeup, or bar-hopping on her night's off.  She was so humble yet so breath-taking with every step she took.  I can't remember feeling this confused over losing someone since my grandfather passed when I was ten years old.  If there is a such thing as heaven and angels, those are some lucky angels that get to stand by Erica's side today.  I hope more than anything that I will get to hug her again someday.  Simpre en mi corazon, Erica! xoxoxo

stay.

Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed savin'
Cause when you never see the light of day it's hard to know which one of us is cavin'

quandary.

re·cip·ro·ca·tion [ri-sip-ruh-key-shuhn]   noun

1. an act or instance of reciprocating.
2. a returning, usually for something given.
3. a mutual giving and receiving.
4. the state of being reciprocal or corresponding.

I have seen and experienced enough love in my life to believe it exists and is possible for everyone to enjoy.  However, when I was a mere sprog fantasizing about adulthood I never imagined how difficult it can be to find and enjoy love at it's most simplest form.  I pondered love this morning and I traced my complaints back to reciprocation.  "The power in a relationship lies with whoever cares the least."  That is a favorite quote of mine.  (Yes, I have many favorite quotes).  It's one of my favorites because it's meaning resonates in my brain and I believe it to be true.  Most relationships begin, in my belief, with a physical attraction typically shared by both parties.  From there the seed of love begins to grow bigger and faster in one person while the other becomes "over it" or "spooked."  I am guilty of this too.  But more times than not I am the first to run head first into the brick wall with my heart on my sleeve.  With each crushing of my heart I grow a little more jaded and untrusting.  So how does one jump the reciprocation hurtle?  To have a successful relationship do you have to play the game of "match the other person's affection" so that you don't love too quickly or too slowly?  It boggles my mind and leaves me in a unfulfilled quandary.  Being single and only having yourself to look after seems so much easier!  Yeah, we'll go with that instead.  :)

Five rules of happiness: Free your heart of hatred.  Free your mind of worries.  Live your life simply.  Give more to others.  Expect less of others.

thoughtlessness.

I have spent a considerable amount of time alone lately, deep in thought.  My over-analytical brain is probably my greatest enemy.  I try to take the good with the bad and keep smiling.  With today's lounging came a few life lessons that I hope I won't soon forget:  (A) Humans will let you down (B) Loose lips sinks ships.  Let a person be well-tried before giving them your confidence

I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes, "Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind."

Though I feel angry and a little bewildered by other people's thoughtlessness I am going to remind myself of all that is good and beautiful in the world around me.  I am going to focus so much time on improving my own self that I have no time to criticize others.  LIVE STRONG!

passion.

We have all heard the phrase "Good things come to those that wait."  But in true Cicero form I decided to analyze that phrase today and decided it is completely false.  It's false for me, at least.  I took a mental inventory of some of the highlights in my life thus far and every example was filled with a passion so strong that at that time I was willing to go against all odds and accept potential hardship in an effort to make myself happy.  I have not yet achieved "good" without said passion.  So, in short, you won't find me waiting for something good to happen.  I haven't done so yet and I am not going to start now.  With all that said, I am happy in this moment on this day.  I am excited about a bright future but living each day as if it were my last.