anchored.

I have that nasty little habit of constantly comparing myself to the people around me.  Everyone.  I suppose I do it to find validation in the decisions I have made in life that led me to where I am today.  Fact is, I am not like anyone else that I have known in this lifetime.  The cousins I grew up around all have homes, children, and a spouse.  Same goes for the peers from my high school years.  Then, this morning, I thought about the gay guys that I used to be best friends with from my hometown in North Carolina.  Most of them have a grounded life now as well.  Some are anchored in a long term relationship while others are anchored by a career and/or a home they purchased.  Not me.  I am a dandelion out here in the world being carried by the wind.  Old habits make me want to regret that but fact is, it's a good life.  I exist for love and for happiness.  Yes, it is my goal to maintain a happy life for myself but most importantly, it is my goal to bring happiness to those whose path I cross each day.  The truth of the matter is that I would love to find my soul mate, if I haven't already, and grow old with him.  I would love to bring a child into the world and raise it to be the best man or woman they could be.  But realistically I have to accept that I may never have those things.  No one is guaranteed the American dream.  Plus, I am not built like most people and could potentially grow bored with such a life.  I don't know what tomorrow holds for me but I am optimistic that I was meant for something great.  I choose to be happy today and always.