The Jump Off, 2

I had taken a vacation with Danny once before when we decided to visit my hometown in North Carolina and yet again I found myself willing to be strapped in for the sort of shenanigans usually reserved for a Seth McFarlane film.  I will always choose flying over cross-country driving, God bless the Wright brothers, however, that previous experience with Danny on an airplane resulted in being tackled by four female flight attendants, who probably double as linebackers in their spare time, and then asked never to choose American Airlines again.  Needless to say, Danny has an irrational fear of planes that is hazardous for the health of anyone involved.    So as to avoid another tumultuous journey we decided to drive this go-round.  South Padre Island, Texas was our destination and relaxation was our goal.  Our relationship can be classified as nothing less than ambiguous and I saw this not only as an opportunity to meet his family but also to relieve some of the pressure on said relationship caused by his recent diagnosis of being a shit-stain on the skivvies of life.  

Like any sane person preparing for an eight hour drive the next morning I was asleep by approximately 9 o'clock.  3AM at the latest.  I was chewing my way thru a very seductive, yet confusing dream with cameo appearances by David Hasselhoff and a seven layer strawberry drizzled cheese cake (don't judge - I am attracted to cholesterol and strange older men with high cholesterol levels) when I was jolted awake by shit-stain himself, as he stood over me asking "are you awake?"  Why do people always ask if someone is awake when they have to use hand grenades and canon fire to rouse them?  I believe I muttered  "I was clearly not awake, assface!" or something to that effect as I sat up in bed.  It was then that Danny explained to me that he was unable to sleep due to excitement or copious amounts of a mind altering substance, and would prefer to hit the road before sunrise.  I never let my affection for mind altering substances overlap my love for sleep.  My cell phone screen said 3:32AM and my face said "go to hell."  With the assurance, however,  that I could sleep along the way, I grabbed my overnight bags, my pillow, and a blanket, and made my way to the back seat of Danny's sedan where I resumed my date with a strawberry drizzled David Hasselhoff.

To be continued...