mundane.

Day 28 of sobriety is in full swing, and while I feel proud of my accomplishment, I feel like I’m lacking some of the characteristics I grew comfortable with. I no longer feel attractive. I don’t spend a great deal of time maintaining my appearance like I once did. I lack motivation. I am gaining weight, but not grossly. With some routine weight lifting and exercise I could very easily build a body I could be proud of. But again, I lack motivation. I don’t sleep well at night anymore. I have never had problems with falling asleep or staying asleep, however, since sobriety I struggle with both. It takes more sleeping pills than is recommended in one dose to take me down at night. Even then, I wake up at least five or six times a night. Sometimes more. I don’t suffer from anxiety anymore, but my circle has diminished so greatly that most evenings after work I don’t ever see another human being. I spend a great deal of time alone, and sometimes I hate this fact. I have very few people in my life that I feel add value to it. My heart doesn’t get excited about anything lately. I have much to be grateful for but I don’t seem to love anything. Everything seems mundane or grey. I’m bored. I need change.