inseparable.

August 15, 2015 marked four years since that beautiful mess blew into my life, leaving me a beautiful disaster as well. When I first laid eyes on him I was immediately awe struck. I knew I loved him. I had just the right combination of cocaine and liquor in me to be brave enough to walk up to him and spark a spirited conversation. We exchanged numbers but I never expected I'd hear from him again. To my delight, he sent a text the very next day, and we became instantly inseparable. Very few days past that we didn't see each other after work. Most nights he slept next to me in my bed. Sometimes I'd sleep over at his place. He even made dinner one night for my closest friends at his place. He was so excited to show off his culinary skills. He was almost mine for several years, until the weight of ambiguity became too great, and it all came crashing down. Because of that lived-thru experience I won't allow myself to settle for anyone who is afraid of commitment again. Who left a hole in me that I'm sure no one will ever be able to fill. And I'm just not prepared to live thru this pain all over again.