carpe.diem.

As I sat in a warm and salty bubble bath tonight I began to feel little sparks of hopefulness finally surfacing in what can only be described as the third hardest experience of my life. Giving up drugs was something I didn't expect to be very hard for me. After all, I'm a Libran and we are not prone to addictions. I never could have imagined the torture I have endured these six days. It has been a long drawn out exorcism and the demon isn't leaving my body without one hell of a fight. For two days I have fought flu symptoms atop the other shenanigans my body has seesaw'd thru: fatigue, soreness, never ending hunger. But those sparks of hope came tonight, to signal the help that is just around the bend. I daydreamed of how wonderful life is going to be in the years to come. Without drugs suddenly everything feels possible again. I want to take my art more seriously. I want a man that cherishes me and is firm with me when I need firmness. I want to host dinner parties like I used to. I want good clean friends around me. I want to be part of a book or poetry club. I might even want to adopt a child someday. Gosh, I just want to be proud of the life I lived when my time has come to an end. I'm so glad I made the decision to give up drugs finally. I'm so ready to feel good again, but I'll suffer thru these trials as I know I'm only going to be stronger for it in the end. And in case you wondered what the two hardest things I've done were... Second was leaving my fiancé and my home to embark on a new life in Texas. And the hardest thing I've ever done was leaving Danny Benitez, my soul mate, and moving to Vegas. I have never cried so hard in my entire life and I hope I never feel that pain again. Carpe that fucking diem!