millipede.

(A FACEBOOK POST WRITTEN BY A FRIEND, MATT HARDEN - I APPLAUD HIS WRITING SKILLS): I am a kind and benevolent ruler. Here is just one example as to why. I noticed a millipede in the downstairs bathtub this morning. He was just hanging out, like some false eyelash discarded by Satan. Assuming he could use his grotesque little body to find his way back to hell, I shut the door and went on with my day. Settled at home hours later, I remembered Satan's lash and I grew curious. I went to check on the situation. He was still there. He hadn't moved. My presence d...idn't rouse him. Cautiously, I blew a puff of air at him. Nothing. I thought him dead. With a tissue I prodded him. He was not dead! He was on the tissue and he was fast! I turned and turned and turned that tissue so rapidly in hopes of avoiding whatever he was planning! In an almost stultifying panic I managed to get him to the nearest exit. Sweet mercy! He is gone now and I am saved. If he'd made the slightest contact with my skin, you'd have heard his murder. Or, more likely, my screams before he ended me.