mask.

The hardly noticeable bags under his eyes make for a nice but secretive hiding place for his tears kept out of view from the world. A treasure chest filled with the pain he carries so effortlessly. His body typically falls asleep a few hours out of each day but his mind endures chronic refusal at such rest stops. He drudges thru each hour with the weight of the world on his shoulders, clinging to the assumption that nightfall will pay a visit as it always has before, offering fool’s gold for the flesh; mind-numbing retreat without substance. He runs his ship aground trying to pacify everyone around him, leaving no water left to keep his own soul afloat. However, his efforts to appease seem futile. His energy is depleted with the high maintenance that comes with wearing a mask… a costume to fool the world into believing he is more than just okay, when in reality he is anything but okay. He craves their love and approval. He needs it. And who could love a broken person? So he cuts himself deeper with the lies he tells himself and the lies he has sold to the world, draining more of his own life than before.

I loved him. I loved him with an unconditional passion that only poets write about. This can be attributed largely to my being able to closely relate as I too am broken. I am weathered but still standing tall. I tried to be a lighthouse to his storm battered ship but failed miserably. Perhaps my lighthouse is too worn with years, causing my light to dim. Or perhaps my light was too strong, sending him fleeing in the opposite direction. In spite of my deep desire to hold his broken pieces in my arms until they fused together a strong beautiful being, I lost him. I lost him to the shadows that lurk in the corners of this world and to the shadows that take up residence in his mind. Now all I can do is hope I planted seeds of growth in his life, shifting his course to calmer seas. But what if I didn’t happen to him, rather he happened to me? After all, I doubt I will revert to the man I was before he walked into my life. God speed, D.L.