01.11.2014

I called "time of death" on my date last night at 8:18pm. Probably would have seemed a bit early to most but would have been nice if my date was there to see my displeasure. A no call, no show? My luck with men is really starting to rank closer to Nicole Brown Simpson and less to the Kardashians like it once did. However, I always try to pull the silver lining out of a scenario and I felt quite accomplished when I awoke this morning spooning a brown bag half full of soy sauce packets and fried wonton remnants. Yes, my diet was shot full of holes by my evil Ambien fueled twin but this is quite a leap from last year's waking up next to an asshole and the years preceding when I would awake next to an empty vodka bottle. Actually, I take that back, I'm sleeping with Grey Goose tonight!