beautiful.

For the past eight months, or more, it was that thought that never left my mind. It was a change that would bring me boundless relief, and it was certain. It was exactly what I wanted, until I didn’t need to want it anymore. A break up of a home is rarely all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, I’ve lived thru enough relationship endings to have expected this inevitable loneliness and disappointment since the very first day that I knew my relationship was doomed. But, true to my human form, I suppose I had a head full of false hope that this time would be different. That this time I’d only feel relief. Silly human! I will validate the wisdom behind the choice to separate my life from him, nonetheless. It was necessary for my growth, and hopefully for his as well. I just wish I could fast forward thru these nights of silence, wishing to communicate with a soul that already knows mine, but only finding temporary distractions by way of my TV or my iPhone. It has been five days since he walked out, never to return, and not until tonight did I feel sincere sorrow. Sorrow that flooded my being when I suddenly asked myself “now, who is going to tell me I’m beautiful?”