regret.nothing.

Day two is now under my belt and thus far the negative effects are mild. I am eating much more, which is a good thing, though I fear my bloat might get out of hand before it all levels out finally. Also, I'm sleepier than usual but that was expected. With all that said, I am pleasantly surprised at how easy this transition has been so far. I realize I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm already happier with the positive effects. Not to mention how much better life is going to be when this is completely behind me. I regret nothing I've ever done and I am glad I lived thru this chapter of my life. I'm very optimistic about what's ahead of me though. I truly think my best years have yet to come! On another note, I miss everything and everyone that has passed thru my life like water to a net. I would give up forever just to spend whatever days I have left basking in Danny's black light. Just the trivial conversations and seemingly meaningless banter kept my light shining bright. I fear I'm dim without him, but he can't be here right now so the universe took him away from me. Again. Like a band aid ripped from a hairy wound without warning. Jesse is also missed. He showed me what it feels like to be loved and to feel sexy. He was meek, yet dark and mysterious. His deep sexy voice and the smell of his cigarettes paired with cologne gave me comfort. But he has also made his exit. With Danny, I think I did all I could do to keep something caged that was far too wild. But with Jesse I fear I took him for granted. Perhaps because of my blind love for my lost soul mate. Whatever the reason, I don't know that I did all I could to keep him. I don't know that I did right by him entirely. I just don't think I understood the reality of his leaving until it was too late. The list of others could keep me writing all night but those two weigh heavy tonight so I'll let my thoughts rest here. Danny and Jesse, you boys are in my heart forever, etched so deep that time could never erode your memory or my love for you. Wherever you are tonight, I pray to the universe that your spirit is hopeful and your heart is warm and that you can feel my love.