...Cicero, unplugged!

Whoever unplugged my brain gets a round of applause for making me look like a world-class idiot.  Ever since the full moon a few nights ago I have been “off.”  My thoughts are scattered, my dreams are painfully surreal, and my speech reflects the onset stages of autism.  Everything appears to me as riddles and puzzles – neither of which I have ever found enjoyment in.  As a child I would destroy, eat, or hide a few pieces of each puzzle I came across so I would have a viable excuse for declining the invitation to participate in the mind-numbing madness.  “Nope, sorry, this puzzle is missing some pieces so there is no point in putting it together.”  So, joke is on me today.  Someone please return my puzzle pieces as soon as you are done hiding them! 

Dreams came true in 2011

“If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere.” - Zig Ziglar

Hex

So I awoke on Monday morning, next to my beautiful boyfriend, feeling less than thrilled to realize a sickness was coming upon me.  Feeling as though I had been mowed over by a rusted out 1956 Chevy I pressed on with the assistance of coffee and two garlic pills.  I am happy to report that today, Thursday, I closely resemble in body and spirit the chipper person you usually see day-to-day.  I am grateful that the beautiful boyfriend has removed the hex he placed on me and grateful to my roommate for mistakenly varying the details of his mother's home remedies.  Yes, I was duped into ingesting copious amounts of cayenne pepper and vinegar that reinstated that gag reflex that I worked years to rid myself of, but I feel almost new.  You know - like your first Mercedes purchase with 26,000 miles - new to you but not new!  So all is well but goddess forbid with any amount of flatulence I will go rocketing into the solar system. 

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."

I realize how incredibly moronic this sounds but I almost don't want to be this happy.  The future seems so bright, my love life is great (dramatic but sensual the way I like it), and everything seems to be moving along so well.  Therefore, naturally, my artist side has gone to sleep.  I am so much more inspired to be creative when I am hurting.  Isn't there a middle ground somewhere?

Dallas

(written 04-02-2007)

             With the sound of Mr. Jones, sang by Counting Crows, I drowned out the sound of my echoing heart beat.  With sweaty palms I gripped the sizzling hot, leather wheel cover as I anticipated the green light we awaited.  That was the day Jared and I would meet our son, our new Dalmatian puppy.  Jared saw the advertisement in the newspaper the previous day and only one was left from the litter.  The intoxicating excitement rushed through my body like venom as I knew he would be mine within the hour.

            The sun smiled brightly from his thrown, illuminating the earth with a summertime glow.  Flowers were blooming with happiness on the sides of the road, while birds and bees buzzed about their business in what seemed like an effort to share my bliss.  Nothing could have spoiled our day.  This was the day Jared and I would find our common ground… something to tie us together closer than before.

            We knew nothing about our newest family member at this point.  It was like the nervous anticipation of a mother not knowing the gender of her soon-coming baby.  The faint smell of mystery and purpose walked hand in hand with honeysuckle, dandelion, and coconut air-freshener that summer day.

            As my car approached the driveway of my destination, I fought each tree and obstacle in my line of sight for just a glimpse of my new glory.  Sound of rocks inching my tires along accompanied my arrival while I gaze at the blue van parked directly ahead.  The driver climbed down from her seat to greet us.  In her weekend best, this humble lady had a focus much greater than her own appearance.  With un-kept attire and hair pulled back, she had an aura of peace and tranquility.

            From a distance I stare into the window at a filing crate perched in the front passenger seat.  I anticipated a black and white speckled head to pop out atop the crate wall.  My expectations were dismembered as the side door slams open.  Out hopped the goofiest monster of a dog I had ever witnessed.  With a head much too large for his body and an awkward bunny hop, he could not have won my affection any quicker.  He was the runt and for good reason.  Though, how could I have been so fortunate?  With eyes bigger than silver dollars and a personality of a circus clown, who couldn't love him?

            He accompanied Jared in the passenger seat on our ride home.  The journey home was amusing as his yawns and fatigue were met with a fight to stay focused.  He gazed out the window, mapping his journey until he reached his new home.

            Dallas has been a member of our family for almost three years.  With loyalty that stretches the world over and love deeper than the ocean, I couldn't have dreamed him into existence any more perfect.   I have to wonder, do I make him as happy as he makes me?

Death Of A Dark Prince

With bee-stung lips, a heart filled with rage, and tear-filled eyes, Countess shattered the glass in her hand and any chance she had with Prince. Prince and Countess had been inseparable for months, engaging in sweet
 conversation, secret sharing, and intimacy.  The locals insisted she fell too hard too fast.

As a watcher from afar, her heart was elated when she received word of his interest in meeting.  Prince was an alien to her seaside village but was welcomed into her heart as a native.  Countess descended from her castle in the nearby hills on that warm summer night to make her way into the village, seeking Prince and his benign possibilities.  Arriving to his minuscule, dreary dwelling with nervous excitement, she was met by Prince, standing tall with dark wavy hair and the body of a god.  His jaw was perfectly chiseled like a smooth stone and his body filled his armor as if custom made attire designed solely for his wearing.  While staring into speckles of imperfection glistening in his right eye, Countess began prematurely planning her life around him.  After four hours of the greatest passion known to her time, she gathered herself like limp laundry laid across his thrown and made haste into the night air with dreams of perpetual love and romance.
The unexpected, chance meeting was the first of many to follow.  The following day the two met for dinner and laughter at Countess's favorite eatery.  The terms of her expectations were the popular topics, which some accredit for the tragic ending of her tale.  Prince uttered words of non-commitment but his body language and verbalized feelings expressed something less dull.  Countess was agreeable to accept the slow pace of cultivating a growing relationship but refused to join a long list of damsels in distress waiting on the wayside for her dark Prince.

Good food, great conversation, intimate evenings, warm showers, and laughter were elements contributing to what Countess thought was a paragon of a relationship.  She rested her head on his chest and her soul on his shoulders.  Glancing upward in the direction of his face, she hoped for a modicum of sincerity to drip from his lips and eyes, but her hands came up empty each time.  She set aside her ambivalence like a naïve child and held to her aspirations of making Prince the next king of her castle.

After a month or more of bolstering the unsteady foundation, like clock work Countess called to Prince in the assumption that she would spend the evening wrapped in his arms and beauty.  Much to her dismay, he had made other plans for the night.  She had been pushed aside to make room for Prince's former lover.  Her invariable efforts and support suddenly seemed futile.  She tossed and turned all night, making friends with nightmares and hate.  Unable to discern his reasons for tossing her aside the next morn she sent word that he would be censored from her life effective immediately.

The silence lasted more than a week.  Though her intensions were good Countess was left wounded by her own hand.  Chiefly, the goal was to save herself from further pain but coincidently she had inflicted more pain than before.  She was stuck in a quandary about whether life was better with an "almost lover" or alone.    On the morning of her birthday, while dew was still fresh on the grass, she looked threw her pain and tears and decided to make amends with Prince.  At first glance the conversations seemed  awkward but the familiar company was quite refreshing.  After spending the day together she realized no one in the world ever made her feel this way… alive!

Compromising her current situation yet again, Countess chose to allow things back to normal.  Against her better judgment, she dove into intense passion and loved him with her whole heart.  Some say her love lives on but they weren't present at the festival that night.

Many had gathered in costume and masquerade.  The town was dressed in bright colors and dim lights.  The air had cooled off as fall was ready to burst from the seams. Drinking and celebration was forefront on the minds of everyone in the village that night.  Everyone but Prince, that is.  Prince looked deep in her eyes with fear and intimidation in hesitation of what may happen next.  The martini glass filled with joy in Countess's fragile hand was suddenly trembling as her heart sank.  That look could only mean bad news.  Prince sat her down and whispered his confession.

"I've met someone else" was all she needed to hear.  Her mind rushed back to the day he explained that he couldn't love anyone.  He previously insisted that it was simply a bad time in his life.  Why was he saying this?  He continued to apologize for any pain he had caused and ensured he wanted to stay her friend but things would have to change between them.  She only heard muttering and the voice of someone who was no longer speaking a language she understood.  Prince had adulterated everything Countess thought they shared together.

Feeling duped and unable to see thru the tears anymore, she slammed the glass against the concrete wall, shattering the edges.  The joy that formerly filled her glass was spilled on the ground beside his blood.  She, without thought, had driven the jagged glass into her Prince.  He dropped to the floor with practically no emotion.  His face filled with sorrow as tears streamed down his ghostly face at the speed of light.  She held and kissed his hand and spoke no words as she watched the life leave his limp body.  With onlookers of the village standing in shock, Countess threw her own neck to her homemade blade.

"Each one of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some weather superstorm or spiritual superstorm, when we look at each other we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been there myself. We must support each other and empathize with each other because each of us is more alike than we are unalike" -Maya Angelou

You are the hole in my head. You are the space in my bed. You are the silence in between what I thought and what I said. You are the nighttime fear, you are the morning when it's clear. When it's over, you're the start. You're my head and you're my heart.

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do 

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

•  Queen Elizabeth I

  Tell me, is it true?
  Are you with child?

• Bess

  Yes, my lady.

• Queen Elizabeth I

  You traitress.
  You dare to keep secrets from me?
  You ask my permission before you rut!
  Before you breed!
  My bitches wear my collars! Do you hear me?
  Do you hear me?

• Sir Francis Walsingham

  Majesty! Please, dignity. Mercy.

• Queen Elizabeth I

  This is no time for mercy, Walsingham.
  You go to your traitor brother
  and leave me to my business.
  Is it his?
  Tell me. Say it. Is the child his? Is it his?

• Bess

  Yes.
  My lady, it is my husband's child.

• Queen Elizabeth I

  You bitch!

• Bess

  Majesty.

• Sir Walter Raleigh

  This is not the Queen I love and serve.

• Queen Elizabeth I

  This man has seduced a ward of the Queen.
  And she has married without royal consent.
  These offenses are punishable by law. Arrest him!
  Go!
  You no longer have the Queen's protection.
  
  Quotes play in a loop in my head everyday.  Sometimes quotes from movies, sometimes songs, and sometimes just random shit my friends have said...