valentine.

His lips are red like blood
Stained with truth and history
The most beautiful in all the land
I melt when he speaks to me
I barely know this thief
He tore me from security
Vulverable to his lips so red
I'm nervous when he speaks to me
Cities and hours apart
I wait to see those lips again
I imagine my lips pressed against his
Oh to kiss the lips of my gorgeous friend
Luscious lips so bold
My thoughts are tied to him
Taunt me until the daylight ends
So I drift to sleep and dream of them

I wrote this February 2011 about a friend of mine. 

Gay Librans.

 
Charming, my dear. Yes you. Don't try to deny it, because I know you've looked in a mirror recently. The dimples, the full pouting lips, and let's not underestimate the power of your nicely rounded posterior. It's a full length mirror you have, of course. Call it self-restraint if you have only one. Your face and conversation are the delight of the zodiac; you are ruled by the goddess, Venus. How very popular you must be. You've got a million dollar smile and a laugh that will reduce your prey to a puddle of blushes. Who wouldn't want to be you? It does get difficult, though, to sort though the myriad of evites that practically spam your inbox. Sorting them all out can require some time and strategic thinking, not to mention some good 'ol fashioned hard headed decision making...

Ah! There's the rub. Being situated as you are in the sixth house of the zodiac, Librans teeter at the place where self-hood and society meet: hence, the scales. You prize balance and harmony above all else; nice work if you can get it. Some people think it comes naturally. Of course we know that being so calm all the time takes work. It's important to remember that scales, like your feelings, tip back and forth. Nobody can get as annoyed as you at a messy drama queen, but nobody can be so charming about it. You know what do do when she's finished with her rant. You'll put on your most demure Patty Duke and tell her that smiling saves money on bot-ox down the line.

You fight like a... You'd rather not, and please don't make the joke about the broken nail. Haha. But why get all mussed over what could easily be resolved the way God intended: while sipping a doppio macchaito. Think more Gilmore Girls, less Sopranos. You love to facilitate an insightful debate, just for the educational experience of it. Your ability to deliberate proves you're more than a pretty face. But it can be pretty annoying to your friends, all the time it takes you to get to any kind of conclusion. There's nothing wrong with that. But be careful if the girls start casting each other knowing looks the next time you've had another change of opinion. They were just saying the other day that you can seem a little insincere sometimes. Don't shoot the messenger. I'm telling you because I don't want you to get hurt.

It's not as though something like that would keep you from getting out. You're not the type who can stay up all night with the help of a red bull or two, but that doesn't stop you from being a very social butterfly. If you didn't socialize, then how could people pay you compliments? Friends make everything better. You work out in a pack, get coffee in with a cadre, and party in a throng. You can work hard/play hard for a while, but when you've decided you're finished you plop down on the duvet and get out the sleeping mask. You demand to be taken care of. And not just by your friends. You need coupling in the love department especially. Try not to be the boy who always needs a man; if he's not right, you'll wear yourself out trying to make him happy and that's not good for anybody. Crying makes the eyes puffy.

i.know.a.boy.

I Know A Boy - Written By Emylee McIntosh
(written about yours truly)

"I know a boy, this story’s true,
Who had a rather jaded view,
Of his beauty, and his worth,
And of his time spent on the earth.

He couldn’t see, though it was clear,
That so many held him dear.
Happiness is what he was chasing,
Though throughout his heart was breaking.

If I were to see him now,
I will take this solemn vow,
I will say the things that he should know,
That he should’ve known long ago

That he is worth so much more,
Than what he thinks his life counts for.
If others his beauty do not comprehend
Then I feel so bad for them.

I hope he never loses sight,
Of how people are blinded by his light.
And I hope that light does never dim,
Cause without his smile the world is grim."

#touched #honored #inspired

thoughts.from.a.friend.

"Call me crazy... But I don't think life is as hard as people make it seem.If you've done something to hurt someone... Stop doing what hurt them...If someone hurts your friend... Stop talking to that someone...If you don't want to be bothered by law enforcement... Don't do crap that'll get you bothered...And if you aren't happy... Then do what makes you happy...I don't know... Maybe I'm over simplifying things... But the way I see it at the end of the day the only person who's living your life is you... Maybe that means you should put some thought into how you want to live it??"  -Nana Rena Rita

Obituary: Erica Andrews (my idol)

 
SALIZAR

Erica Salizar leaves behind her mother, a sister, two brothers and numerous nieces and nephews all of which she loved unconditionally. She also leaves behind an international community privileged to be graced with her presence, influence, passion, success, humor, and most importantly her love. Undeniably, a pioneer, her accolades and achievements will forever resonate as a contribution to her community's cause and progress. While her influence and entertainment will forever be discussed and remembered, to know her one would know she simply pursued her passion. Effortlessly, she took everyone's breath away and commanded attention with her incomparable beauty. With great pleasure she mesmerized and served countless crowds through her mastery of illusion. Her love for the community can only be paralled to the love she received from her community. Surpassing expectations and leaving behind shattered boundaries Erica Andrews' legacy will be forever be defined by professionalism, the pursuit of passion, and the love and adoration for those around her. In her very brief life she managed to reach an iconic status, a life abundant with achievement, all because of her passion to not only find her true self but to love herself unconditionally, opening the door for countless individuals to pursue the same passion comfortably and with confidence because of the path forged by Erica, who did so with such grace, dignity and clarity that forever a community has been changed and redefined.

A Candle Light Vigil and Remembrance Ceremony will be held at Crockett Park on March 28th from 7pm-9pm. There will be a Mariachi for her at 8pm. We want to invite everyone to attend especially her friends and fans from all over the country!!!

Published in Express-News on March 24, 2013

The Jump Off, 2

I had taken a vacation with Danny once before when we decided to visit my hometown in North Carolina and yet again I found myself willing to be strapped in for the sort of shenanigans usually reserved for a Seth McFarlane film.  I will always choose flying over cross-country driving, God bless the Wright brothers, however, that previous experience with Danny on an airplane resulted in being tackled by four female flight attendants, who probably double as linebackers in their spare time, and then asked never to choose American Airlines again.  Needless to say, Danny has an irrational fear of planes that is hazardous for the health of anyone involved.    So as to avoid another tumultuous journey we decided to drive this go-round.  South Padre Island, Texas was our destination and relaxation was our goal.  Our relationship can be classified as nothing less than ambiguous and I saw this not only as an opportunity to meet his family but also to relieve some of the pressure on said relationship caused by his recent diagnosis of being a shit-stain on the skivvies of life.  

Like any sane person preparing for an eight hour drive the next morning I was asleep by approximately 9 o'clock.  3AM at the latest.  I was chewing my way thru a very seductive, yet confusing dream with cameo appearances by David Hasselhoff and a seven layer strawberry drizzled cheese cake (don't judge - I am attracted to cholesterol and strange older men with high cholesterol levels) when I was jolted awake by shit-stain himself, as he stood over me asking "are you awake?"  Why do people always ask if someone is awake when they have to use hand grenades and canon fire to rouse them?  I believe I muttered  "I was clearly not awake, assface!" or something to that effect as I sat up in bed.  It was then that Danny explained to me that he was unable to sleep due to excitement or copious amounts of a mind altering substance, and would prefer to hit the road before sunrise.  I never let my affection for mind altering substances overlap my love for sleep.  My cell phone screen said 3:32AM and my face said "go to hell."  With the assurance, however,  that I could sleep along the way, I grabbed my overnight bags, my pillow, and a blanket, and made my way to the back seat of Danny's sedan where I resumed my date with a strawberry drizzled David Hasselhoff.

To be continued...

anchored.

I have that nasty little habit of constantly comparing myself to the people around me.  Everyone.  I suppose I do it to find validation in the decisions I have made in life that led me to where I am today.  Fact is, I am not like anyone else that I have known in this lifetime.  The cousins I grew up around all have homes, children, and a spouse.  Same goes for the peers from my high school years.  Then, this morning, I thought about the gay guys that I used to be best friends with from my hometown in North Carolina.  Most of them have a grounded life now as well.  Some are anchored in a long term relationship while others are anchored by a career and/or a home they purchased.  Not me.  I am a dandelion out here in the world being carried by the wind.  Old habits make me want to regret that but fact is, it's a good life.  I exist for love and for happiness.  Yes, it is my goal to maintain a happy life for myself but most importantly, it is my goal to bring happiness to those whose path I cross each day.  The truth of the matter is that I would love to find my soul mate, if I haven't already, and grow old with him.  I would love to bring a child into the world and raise it to be the best man or woman they could be.  But realistically I have to accept that I may never have those things.  No one is guaranteed the American dream.  Plus, I am not built like most people and could potentially grow bored with such a life.  I don't know what tomorrow holds for me but I am optimistic that I was meant for something great.  I choose to be happy today and always.