Guong Dong Zodiac
I find myself surprised lately by the difficulty I am having connecting to new people in my life. When I was just a tot I remember reading my Chinese zodiac at the Guong Dong Chinese Buffet in Wilmington NC and it read "You will make few but lasting friendships." The animal that the zodiac connected me to was the boar - not flattering! ...but I digress... None the less, that has always stuck with me and it seems to be fairly accurate. I have met many people on my journey but very few can be classified as friends. And to cull the herd even more I can count on my fingers the ones that have stayed in touch throughout the years. My latest challenge has been making an initial connection. My experience in Dallas is that most are caught in a routine and do not have time to welcome someone new to their lives. The few that have extended friendship were pushed away by yours truly. I haven't pushed anyone away on purpose, however, I'm noticing a pattern that shocks even me. I seem to come up with some great excuses why I'm unable to get very close to people. This is not typical behavior for me and anyone that knows Cicero knows that I am THE super-social butterfly! Well, to anyone reading this that feels like I have pushed you away, you should know that it isn't personal (unless I told you otherwise) and that it's something I'm trying to work thru. xoxoxo
Pool-side
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Divorce
The last remaining thread that connected me to my former life was broken yesterday. When I drove away from Wilmington my fiance', Joshua, and I agreed to stay together and do the long distance thing until he was done with college. Apparently we both shared similar thoughts because he called me yesterday to tell me that he wanted out of the relationship, only seconds before I was going to mention it. Though the breakup is mutual it has been very emotionally draining. Joshua was my world for almost three years and he changed my life in many ways. We have agreed to remain best friends but we all know that just isn't the same. It's going to take a few weeks at least before I can celebrate my new freedom but until then I will mourn the loss of my "marriage" to another person on this Earth. xoxoxo
Dallas
With the sound of Mr. Jones, sang by Counting Crows, I drowned out the sound of my echoing heart beat. With sweaty palms I gripped the sizzling hot, leather wheel cover as I anticipated the green light we awaited. That was the day Jared and I would meet our son, our new Dalmatian puppy. Jared saw the advertisement in the newspaper the previous day and only one was left from the litter. The intoxicating excitement rushed through my body like venom as I knew he would be mine within the hour.
The sun smiled brightly from his thrown, illuminating the earth with a summertime glow. Flowers were blooming with happiness on the sides of the road, while birds and bees buzzed about their business in what seemed like an effort to share my bliss. Nothing could have spoiled our day. This was the day Jared and I would find our common ground… something to tie us together closer than before.
We knew nothing about our newest family member at this point. It was like the nervous anticipation of a mother not knowing the gender of her soon-coming baby. The faint smell of mystery and purpose walked hand in hand with honeysuckle, dandelion, and coconut air-freshener that summer day.
As my car approached the driveway of my destination, I fought each tree and obstacle in my line of sight for just a glimpse of my new glory. Sound of rocks inching my tires along accompanied my arrival while I gaze at the blue van parked directly ahead. The driver climbed down from her seat to greet us. In her weekend best, this humble lady had a focus much greater than her own appearance. With un-kept attire and hair pulled back, she had an aura of peace and tranquility.
From a distance I stare into the window at a filing crate perched in the front passenger seat. I anticipated a black and white speckled head to pop out atop the crate wall. My expectations were dismembered as the side door slams open. Out hopped the goofiest monster of a dog I had ever witnessed. With a head much too large for his body and an awkward bunny hop, he could not have won my affection any quicker. He was the runt and for good reason. Though, how could I have been so fortunate? With eyes bigger than silver dollars and a personality of a circus clown, who couldn't love him?
He accompanied Jared in the passenger seat on our ride home. The journey home was amusing as his yawns and fatigue were met with a fight to stay focused. He gazed out the window, mapping his journey until he reached his new home.
Dallas has been a member of our family for almost three years. With loyalty that stretches the world over and love deeper than the ocean, I couldn't have dreamed him into existence any more perfect. I have to wonder, do I make him as happy as he makes me?
This is a true story - one written many years ago for my college English class
The sun smiled brightly from his thrown, illuminating the earth with a summertime glow. Flowers were blooming with happiness on the sides of the road, while birds and bees buzzed about their business in what seemed like an effort to share my bliss. Nothing could have spoiled our day. This was the day Jared and I would find our common ground… something to tie us together closer than before.
We knew nothing about our newest family member at this point. It was like the nervous anticipation of a mother not knowing the gender of her soon-coming baby. The faint smell of mystery and purpose walked hand in hand with honeysuckle, dandelion, and coconut air-freshener that summer day.
As my car approached the driveway of my destination, I fought each tree and obstacle in my line of sight for just a glimpse of my new glory. Sound of rocks inching my tires along accompanied my arrival while I gaze at the blue van parked directly ahead. The driver climbed down from her seat to greet us. In her weekend best, this humble lady had a focus much greater than her own appearance. With un-kept attire and hair pulled back, she had an aura of peace and tranquility.
From a distance I stare into the window at a filing crate perched in the front passenger seat. I anticipated a black and white speckled head to pop out atop the crate wall. My expectations were dismembered as the side door slams open. Out hopped the goofiest monster of a dog I had ever witnessed. With a head much too large for his body and an awkward bunny hop, he could not have won my affection any quicker. He was the runt and for good reason. Though, how could I have been so fortunate? With eyes bigger than silver dollars and a personality of a circus clown, who couldn't love him?
He accompanied Jared in the passenger seat on our ride home. The journey home was amusing as his yawns and fatigue were met with a fight to stay focused. He gazed out the window, mapping his journey until he reached his new home.
Dallas has been a member of our family for almost three years. With loyalty that stretches the world over and love deeper than the ocean, I couldn't have dreamed him into existence any more perfect. I have to wonder, do I make him as happy as he makes me?
This is a true story - one written many years ago for my college English class
Pedestrians, Tour Guides, and Fellow Travelers
In the silence I discover the meaning of common phrases that didn't fully make sense before. Today I was giving some advice to a friend (I seem to be the love guru lately) about finding happiness in yourself when suddenly a light bulb went off and everything actually connected. We always say you can't expect others to love you if you don't love yourself but I find this to be true with simple pleasures and everyday happiness. "He makes me happy" he said. I said "no he doesn't... he adds to your happiness." I realize this could be a little over-analytical but when you take apart the meaning of the words you say you will realize they aren't always what you meant to say. So, if you hop from one relationship to another without ever finding happiness in yourself chances are you that you will affix all your happiness on the shoulders of your lover. I can't imagine that is healthy. What happens when the lover passes on or decides to dump you? In my journey I'm forcing myself to find happiness in my solitude. I know this will make me stronger and I can be a functional partner in my relationships. The people we meet are merely pedestrians, tour guides, and fellow travelers on this road. I wont make the mistake of forcing someone else to carry me again. xoxoxo
Desiderada
“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, And remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, Be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; And listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;
They too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
They are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others,
You may become vain or bitter, For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, For the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; Many persons strive for high ideals,
And everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
It is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the council of years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a healthy discipline, Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; You have a right to be here,
And whether or not it is clear to you, No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, Whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, In the noisy confusion of life,
Keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”
Author Unknown although some maintain that this piece was written by Max Erhmann
As far as possible, without surrender, Be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; And listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;
They too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
They are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others,
You may become vain or bitter, For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, For the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; Many persons strive for high ideals,
And everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
It is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the council of years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a healthy discipline, Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; You have a right to be here,
And whether or not it is clear to you, No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, Whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, In the noisy confusion of life,
Keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”
Author Unknown although some maintain that this piece was written by Max Erhmann
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