summertime.sadness.

If I simply said "I miss you" I fear I'd offend my soul, as those worn out words don't scratch the surface in describing the acidic feeling simmering inside me tonight. This message will do neither of us any favors, but if I don't get this out of me it will tunnel thru my core and leave me hollow and more broken than before. The bright blue pool water, stretched out below my apartment window on such a hot July night, reminds me of last summer with you. We smoked cigarettes by that pool as we exchanged cheerful banter at an ungodly hour. I felt especially spiffy in your shirt so you snapped photos of me 'candidly posing'. If only I would have known that one day, in the near future, I'd cherish that evening, moreover that summer, I like to think I'd have lived it slower. Maybe I would have held you longer. Savored your smell. Basked in that laugh of yours. Perhaps I would have listened far more and spoke much less. But alas, those days are gone just as this one shall be soon. I'm learning the hard way to appreciate each day, good or bad, but most days that task is almost unbearable. Walking this journey without you has been a lonely experience that I'm sure few are built for. I must be superhuman. Or maybe it's your strength that unknowingly carries me on days like today, when the burdens became heavier than I. Thank you for taking care of you. And thank you for taking care of me. xo

cross.the.threshold.

Greeted by emptiness's strong embrace was not high on my list of things hoped for but has manifested to be my reality after a long Monday at the office. I've experienced no contact all day from anyone I ever called a companion and no soul present when I cross the threshold into the hollow dwelling I call home. I have no one to answer to, but I also have no one to share my story with. No one will argue if I leave my shoes in the middle of the floor, but I also have no one to laugh with if I trip over said shoes. May these days of unwanted solitude serve me well in a bright and better future, as I hope to have a chance at true love again someday, and pray I never take it for granted.